Do not panic if a chapter leaves off unexpectedly! I am adding on little snippets, and whenever a chapter is incomplete, I will have a little icon below the last sentence.
Chapter One (One Stupid Medic-Nin)
Jashin was NOT happy with Konoha. The wind howled and tore at the tree limbs, everyone had gone inside the safety of their homes, and the sky was filling up with yellow and purple clouds resembling old bruises. The Village Hidden in the Leaves was about to experience one of the most brutal storms in noted history.
Meanwhile, Dango was picking flowers in a meadow just outside Konoha's gates, which was surrounded by tall trees that had high chances of being struck by lightning (You get her IQ level, eh?)
"What a beautiful bouquet I'm going to make for Kakashi-sama!" she sang as she skipped around uprooting unfortunate flowers from the ground. Peonies for good health, daffodils for respect, and a chrysanthemum for the centerpiece. She placed her bundle of flowers in her basket and started singing as she pulled out some twine to tie around the stems.
Sasori examined his cracked arm in vague interest while Deidara winced, waving around his own arm. The tongue flopped out of the hand's mouth, lifeless. "We need to go back to Konan, Sasori-danna, hmm?" Sasori looked up from his arm and nodded. "Or we could kidnap some wandering medic-nin. Don't they go out into the woods for their herbs?" "Yes, but who would go outside right before a thunderstorm this big, un?" Deidara asked as he pointed towards the sky with his non-injured hand. Sasori sighed and donned his straw hat. The bells hanging from the wide rim tinkled faintly. "We'll just have to find some shelter and-" "Shh, un. I think I hear someone singing." They strained their ears and heard a faint voice, distinctly female."Lullay, lullay." Dango hummed under her breath. She stopped when she heard two male voices in the wind. "I hear someone singing." The two cat ears perched on top of Dango's head twitched. She held the handle of the basket in her mouth and got down on all fours, suddenly turning into a HUMONGOUS cat (don't comment). Her back legs coiled like springs and she got into pouncing position. Suddenly, she launched out through the trees, landing right in front of a red-head and a blonde.
"Really, how could anything get worse? We're about half a mile from Konoha, we're lost in a forest, and it's about to rain, un," Deidara whined. "Our lives could not get any worse." And then, of course, Jashin heard and made their lives worse.
An enormously black cat suddenly jumped in front of them. It opened its mouth, dropped the basket of flowers it was holding (...) and curled its upper lip, preparing to roar. Sasori turned to Deidara. "Next time, brat, keep your mouth shut." They waited for the deafening roar to erupt from the beasts mouth.
"Meow."
"What the hell, un?!" Deidara shouted. Sasori raised an eyebrow. The cat shrank and turned into a girl down in crouch position. She straightened up, dusted off her ANBU outfit, and smiled warmly. "Hi, I'm Dango!"
Chapter 2 (To the Akatsuki)
"...Dango?" Deidara and Sasori chorused in unison. Deidara scratched his head. "Isn't a dango a sort of shish kebab, un?" he asked. Dango's eyes narrowed and her tail swished back and forth. She got back into crouch position. Sasori thumped Deidara's head. "Brat. Do you think she's going to offer he-" Thump. Sasori angled his head downwards to see a furious neko girl sitting on Deidara's hips while punching his chest over and over. When she was done, Deidara sat up and smirked. Dango had to shift her weight on Deidara's hips to keep him from standing up. "Was that supposed to hurt?" Dango's left eyebrow twitched. "I hate you." She muttered. Deidara grinned. "You don't seem like you hate me, yeah." He wiggled his hips suggestively. Dango screamed, got up, tripped on Deidara's legs, and fell backwards onto Sasori. He caught her easily with his skeletal tail. "Well, I see this little lady is feisty." Dango smiled. "You bet I am." Sasori smiled back. "I wonder, does such a talented girl know how to repair injuries as well?" Dango bobbed her head up and down. "Well,"Sasori went on silkily, "my friend and I here have some of those injuries. Perhaps you could fix them, if you could be so kind?" Dango bobbed her head again. "Of course, if you ask politely." Sasori turned his head to Deidara and smirked. Deidara stuck his tongue (well, one of his tongues) out. Dango looked at the crack in Sasori's arm. "Hmm... so you're made of wood." Sasori smiled warmly. "I'm sorry, I forgot to mention that to you. Would it be too hard for you to fix the crack?" You shook your head. "Not at all." You did some hand signs and applied your pointer finger to the crack in his arm. The wood around it fused together until it was as if the crack had never existed. Sasori looked very pleased. "Thank you, miss. Now, my friend is a little harder. His arm completely came out of its socket." Dango frowned a little and then picked up the arm that Deidara had. She placed it in the socket, then did the same hand signs she had done a couple seconds ago. She then applied her whole hand to Deidara's arm. The skin fused together just like Sasori's skin (er, wood) had. "Thank you," said Deidara. You bowed. "No problem." Sasori spoke up again. "I was wondering, are there any other skills you possess besides the two incredible ones you have shown us today?" Dango thought a little while. "Well, if you count cooking, then yes..." Sasori and Deidara exchanged glances. Konan most definitely did not know how to cook. They looked back at you, their gazes now slightly evil. Crooked grins were plastered on each of their faces, showing shiny white teeth and pointy canines. "Would you like to come with us to our...er, house and help us with it?"asked Deidara. Dango shrugged. "I don't know, I mean, I have a homeat Konoha, and there's Kakashi-san..." she trailed off purring as Sasori started scratching her ears. Her eyes began to droop as she said, "Well, maybe...." Sasori turned to Deidara. "Make us a bird." Deidara felt in his pouch. "Damn, I used all my clay up in that stupid fight earlier." The two looked at Dango again. She quickly turned into the larger panther and the two men jumped on. "To the Akatsuki!" stated Deidara. "Oh, is that what you call your house?" asked Dango (obviously not very bright).
Chapter 3 (Meeting the Crew)
"Go to that next tree in front, and then turn left." Sasori smiled down at the panther. There's something about her that intrigues me, something different...unless it's just because I want to make Deidara jealous. He's certainly coming on to her fast...
"Now where do I go?" (Yes, you can talk in cat form. You can also change into a little bitty kitty. Did I forget to mention that?) Sasori snapped out of his reverie. "Now, just keep going to that hill with the boulder over there." Deidara hovered over his partner's ear. "Are we going to show her to Leader-sama, hm?" Sasori did a barely noticable nod. "She has talents that could be useful. Say, when we need to go through a forest on foot. We have her and her... giant cat to use." Suddenly, Dango stopped moving. They had reached the boulder. "This is your house? What, are you two hermits or something? And do you two live together? How do I know you're not gay?"
They both looked shocked for a second, and then yelled in unison, "WE ARE NOT GAY!!" Dango shape-shifted back to a girl and raised her hands in the air in defense. "You act like you've been asked that before..." (You have no idea, Dango, how many DeixSaso stories have been made.) Deidara quickly changed the topic by doing some handsigns, moving the boulder. "We're not the only people living in here, un," he said. "Let's show you the rest of the crew before we go to Leader-sama," finished Sasori. Dango smiled. "Can I surprise them?" "How are we going to do that?" asked Deidara. Dango crouched down again and this time shape-shifted into a small little kitty. She leapt into Deidara's pocket inside of his Akatsuki robe and licked his arm. He seemed a little flustered. "Um...ok, let's go with that, un." Sasori's eyes narrowed.
Inside of the cave, they turned to the right into the living room. As usual, the members were indulging in recreational time: Itachi was watching TV with Konan, Tobi was running around with a bag on his head, Zetsu was tending to his tulips, Hidan was bleeding on the floor, Kakuzu was counting his stacks of coins, and Kisame was lecturing about fish products. Yep, the usual. Everyone except Itachi looked up when Deidara and Sasori stepped into the room. "Did you kill those rogue ninjas?" asked Zetsu. "How much are you going to get paid?" asked Kakuzu. Deidara sighed. "It's always you and money, isn't it, un? Now, we found something on the way back from the mission..." The Akatsuki waited as a bulge in Deidara's robe moved. A little kitty leapt out. Everyone's eyes bulged.
"YOU BROUGHT A KITTY HOME?! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT COSTS TO KEEP A PET?!" Kakuzu was shouting his head off. Hidan stood up. "Since we can't keep this kitty, I'll just use it for one of my sacrifices..." he raised his scythe over his head, aiming for the kitty.
Dango hissed. Suddenly, she became a cat that was two stories tall. "Jashin, that's one big fucking cat..." said Hidan. Tobi ran up to Dango. "Tobi loves this cat! Tobi never had a pet before. Can Tobi keep it, please please please please please-" "Enough!" roared Sasori. "She is not a cat." Dango crouched down and morphed back to human form. "Oh, so that's her powers..." said Konan. "Yes, and she also can cook (unlike you, Konan) and she's a pretty good medic-nin," mentioned Sasori. "Ok, let's introduce you to everyone, hmm? That bleeding son-of-a-jackass over there is Hidan (Stay away from him because he'll sacrifice you), that blue-haired girl is Konan (stay away from her because she's creepy), the weird Venus Flytrap is Zetsu (stay away from him because then he'll eat you), the guy counting his money is Kakuzu (stay away from him or he'll sell you), the guy with red eyes watching the TV is Itachi (stay away from him or he'll kill you), and the guy in the swirly orange mask is Tobi (just stay away from him)." He looked around. "Oh, and there's Kisame, un." He looked at Dango, who was suddenly licking her lips at Kisame. "Fishy..." she said. She coiled her back legs to give more leaping power. Kisame noticed her staring at him while licking her lips.
Dango moved on to Tobi. "And he looks like a lollipop!" she said, and licked his mask. Tobi (did he blush or not? we will never know as long as that mask is there) threw his arms around her. "Tobi loveths her!! Can she stay, Deidara-sempai, please? Tobi will take good care of her and feed her and play with her and-" "SHE'S NOT A PET!" yelled Deidara. "What'syour name, girl?" asked Itachi. Dango smiled. "My name is Dango!" Suddenly a deeper voice rang out. "What a pretty name for a pretty lady," said a man who emerged from the shadows. He had piercings all over his face. Dango saw those, and...
Chapter 4 (A New Member)
...ran out of the room. "...I think you scared her with your piercings, Leader-sama," Kisame stated. Pein fiddled with his lip ring absentmindedly as he looked at the doorway of the living room. "Most likely she's lost in the hallways. Deidara, go fetch her back." Deidara nodded. He started walking out and was right at the doorway before he was run over by Dango. She turned around and smiled apolegetically. "Gomenasai, Deidara-sama." Pein looked curiously at her, for Dango's hand was under her shirt. Dango grinned and pulled out a magnet on a leash. Pein frowned in confusion for a second before he felt a tugging sensation on his body. "What the hell?" he asked. The rest of the Akatsuki stared and then realized what was happening. They started laughing.
"Meow."
"What the hell, un?!" Deidara shouted. Sasori raised an eyebrow. The cat shrank and turned into a girl down in crouch position. She straightened up, dusted off her ANBU outfit, and smiled warmly. "Hi, I'm Dango!"
Chapter 2 (To the Akatsuki)
"...Dango?" Deidara and Sasori chorused in unison. Deidara scratched his head. "Isn't a dango a sort of shish kebab, un?" he asked. Dango's eyes narrowed and her tail swished back and forth. She got back into crouch position. Sasori thumped Deidara's head. "Brat. Do you think she's going to offer he-" Thump. Sasori angled his head downwards to see a furious neko girl sitting on Deidara's hips while punching his chest over and over. When she was done, Deidara sat up and smirked. Dango had to shift her weight on Deidara's hips to keep him from standing up. "Was that supposed to hurt?" Dango's left eyebrow twitched. "I hate you." She muttered. Deidara grinned. "You don't seem like you hate me, yeah." He wiggled his hips suggestively. Dango screamed, got up, tripped on Deidara's legs, and fell backwards onto Sasori. He caught her easily with his skeletal tail. "Well, I see this little lady is feisty." Dango smiled. "You bet I am." Sasori smiled back. "I wonder, does such a talented girl know how to repair injuries as well?" Dango bobbed her head up and down. "Well,"Sasori went on silkily, "my friend and I here have some of those injuries. Perhaps you could fix them, if you could be so kind?" Dango bobbed her head again. "Of course, if you ask politely." Sasori turned his head to Deidara and smirked. Deidara stuck his tongue (well, one of his tongues) out. Dango looked at the crack in Sasori's arm. "Hmm... so you're made of wood." Sasori smiled warmly. "I'm sorry, I forgot to mention that to you. Would it be too hard for you to fix the crack?" You shook your head. "Not at all." You did some hand signs and applied your pointer finger to the crack in his arm. The wood around it fused together until it was as if the crack had never existed. Sasori looked very pleased. "Thank you, miss. Now, my friend is a little harder. His arm completely came out of its socket." Dango frowned a little and then picked up the arm that Deidara had. She placed it in the socket, then did the same hand signs she had done a couple seconds ago. She then applied her whole hand to Deidara's arm. The skin fused together just like Sasori's skin (er, wood) had. "Thank you," said Deidara. You bowed. "No problem." Sasori spoke up again. "I was wondering, are there any other skills you possess besides the two incredible ones you have shown us today?" Dango thought a little while. "Well, if you count cooking, then yes..." Sasori and Deidara exchanged glances. Konan most definitely did not know how to cook. They looked back at you, their gazes now slightly evil. Crooked grins were plastered on each of their faces, showing shiny white teeth and pointy canines. "Would you like to come with us to our...er, house and help us with it?"asked Deidara. Dango shrugged. "I don't know, I mean, I have a homeat Konoha, and there's Kakashi-san..." she trailed off purring as Sasori started scratching her ears. Her eyes began to droop as she said, "Well, maybe...." Sasori turned to Deidara. "Make us a bird." Deidara felt in his pouch. "Damn, I used all my clay up in that stupid fight earlier." The two looked at Dango again. She quickly turned into the larger panther and the two men jumped on. "To the Akatsuki!" stated Deidara. "Oh, is that what you call your house?" asked Dango (obviously not very bright).Chapter 3 (Meeting the Crew)
"Go to that next tree in front, and then turn left." Sasori smiled down at the panther. There's something about her that intrigues me, something different...unless it's just because I want to make Deidara jealous. He's certainly coming on to her fast...
"Now where do I go?" (Yes, you can talk in cat form. You can also change into a little bitty kitty. Did I forget to mention that?) Sasori snapped out of his reverie. "Now, just keep going to that hill with the boulder over there." Deidara hovered over his partner's ear. "Are we going to show her to Leader-sama, hm?" Sasori did a barely noticable nod. "She has talents that could be useful. Say, when we need to go through a forest on foot. We have her and her... giant cat to use." Suddenly, Dango stopped moving. They had reached the boulder. "This is your house? What, are you two hermits or something? And do you two live together? How do I know you're not gay?"
They both looked shocked for a second, and then yelled in unison, "WE ARE NOT GAY!!" Dango shape-shifted back to a girl and raised her hands in the air in defense. "You act like you've been asked that before..." (You have no idea, Dango, how many DeixSaso stories have been made.) Deidara quickly changed the topic by doing some handsigns, moving the boulder. "We're not the only people living in here, un," he said. "Let's show you the rest of the crew before we go to Leader-sama," finished Sasori. Dango smiled. "Can I surprise them?" "How are we going to do that?" asked Deidara. Dango crouched down again and this time shape-shifted into a small little kitty. She leapt into Deidara's pocket inside of his Akatsuki robe and licked his arm. He seemed a little flustered. "Um...ok, let's go with that, un." Sasori's eyes narrowed.
Inside of the cave, they turned to the right into the living room. As usual, the members were indulging in recreational time: Itachi was watching TV with Konan, Tobi was running around with a bag on his head, Zetsu was tending to his tulips, Hidan was bleeding on the floor, Kakuzu was counting his stacks of coins, and Kisame was lecturing about fish products. Yep, the usual. Everyone except Itachi looked up when Deidara and Sasori stepped into the room. "Did you kill those rogue ninjas?" asked Zetsu. "How much are you going to get paid?" asked Kakuzu. Deidara sighed. "It's always you and money, isn't it, un? Now, we found something on the way back from the mission..." The Akatsuki waited as a bulge in Deidara's robe moved. A little kitty leapt out. Everyone's eyes bulged.
"YOU BROUGHT A KITTY HOME?! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT COSTS TO KEEP A PET?!" Kakuzu was shouting his head off. Hidan stood up. "Since we can't keep this kitty, I'll just use it for one of my sacrifices..." he raised his scythe over his head, aiming for the kitty.
Dango hissed. Suddenly, she became a cat that was two stories tall. "Jashin, that's one big fucking cat..." said Hidan. Tobi ran up to Dango. "Tobi loves this cat! Tobi never had a pet before. Can Tobi keep it, please please please please please-" "Enough!" roared Sasori. "She is not a cat." Dango crouched down and morphed back to human form. "Oh, so that's her powers..." said Konan. "Yes, and she also can cook (unlike you, Konan) and she's a pretty good medic-nin," mentioned Sasori. "Ok, let's introduce you to everyone, hmm? That bleeding son-of-a-jackass over there is Hidan (Stay away from him because he'll sacrifice you), that blue-haired girl is Konan (stay away from her because she's creepy), the weird Venus Flytrap is Zetsu (stay away from him because then he'll eat you), the guy counting his money is Kakuzu (stay away from him or he'll sell you), the guy with red eyes watching the TV is Itachi (stay away from him or he'll kill you), and the guy in the swirly orange mask is Tobi (just stay away from him)." He looked around. "Oh, and there's Kisame, un." He looked at Dango, who was suddenly licking her lips at Kisame. "Fishy..." she said. She coiled her back legs to give more leaping power. Kisame noticed her staring at him while licking her lips.
"Hey, why is that girl looking at me like that? Why is she licking her lips? Why is she... oh, fuck." said Kisame.Dango suddenly jumped on Kisame from across the room. Shegrabbed his collar. Everyone looked at her to see what would happen. You opened her mouth, and...
Licked him.
"Hey, Fishy tastes good!" Dango smiled down at Kisame, whose cheeks were an unnatural purple color (see, since he's blue, his blush is purple. Get it?) She smiled again and put her nose to his chest. "He smells good, too!" The purple color on Kisame's cheeks turned to fuschia. The rest of the members laughed and looked at Deidara and Sasori, both of whom were unnaturally quiet and annoyed. Their eyes were twitching.
Chapter 4 (A New Member)
...ran out of the room. "...I think you scared her with your piercings, Leader-sama," Kisame stated. Pein fiddled with his lip ring absentmindedly as he looked at the doorway of the living room. "Most likely she's lost in the hallways. Deidara, go fetch her back." Deidara nodded. He started walking out and was right at the doorway before he was run over by Dango. She turned around and smiled apolegetically. "Gomenasai, Deidara-sama." Pein looked curiously at her, for Dango's hand was under her shirt. Dango grinned and pulled out a magnet on a leash. Pein frowned in confusion for a second before he felt a tugging sensation on his body. "What the hell?" he asked. The rest of the Akatsuki stared and then realized what was happening. They started laughing.
No comments:
Post a Comment
You can write hate mail. It's not like I care.